Sometimes this happens even more so with our loved ones. The thinking that “we know them so well that we know what they are going to say” can prevail.
So we let our minds wonder or do a whole bunch of other non-listening things that can be quite disrespectful of the other!
Listening blocks and de-railers also come into play at work and other relationships too as after our core traits and behaviours generalize across situations.
I once had a GM say about this about his boss, “ I just wish he would stop being so distracted and not pick up his phone each time there is a new message when I am having a conversation with him!”
To his credit, the CEO did take this feedback on board after realizing the full implications of his behavior.
Some common listening blocks and de-railers include:
- Cutting others off
- Thinking of what you are going to be say next
- Talking over the other
- Preparing your smart, cool, funny response
- Being distracted and or fiddling with stuff
- Interrupting by taking phone calls and checking messages on your phone or ipad
- Not acknowledging you have heard the other but starting another thread of conversation
- Being in a rush
- Attitudinal things like “wanting to be right”, placating, second-guessing, or having an adversarial stance.
What do find yourself doing?
Jasbindar is a leadership coach and speaker who helps executives harness the best of themselves and their teams.